I'd not want them anywhere near me. OP's family isn't awful, they are abusive. Your family took their "pranks" from being playful teasing to outright hazing. These are the intensifyingly cruel acts of a mob towards someone they view as an outsider. I think it would be good for both of you. Dont let any of those family members ruin an extremely special day between you and Tim. Would they have waited to see if he could start breathing on his own like a real man? You should have cut them out ages ago, if my partner's family had treated me like that I'd given them the finger and said "Nah I ain't marrying anyone who cant stand up for me", trust me when I say that "doormat" would have been the softest of my insults. Id cut off fam unless I wanted to lose my fianc. Fuck those guys. But by cutting him out you're relationship with the other family members may have to change as well. She's not an asshole for being related to shitty people. Slashing tires and hiding inhalers are not harmless goofs. Your family straight trash sorry. Also this is really concerning that you dont see that aspect. The spelling errors are driving me insane. I would consider reinviting anyone who actually apologizes to him, without your prompts. That should NEVER be something to joke about! I don't think I am the asshole because I suffered years of his abuse and don't feel I deserve to be spoken to like that. Honestly the fact that you're asking that question makes me wanna call you an asshole. Us: Yes? Support your fianc and ditch your shitty family. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment. Are they going to test the boys? Harsh comparison but the Ahmmaud Arbery killers thought they were perfectly fine blowing that guy away in the street under the stand your ground law, they were shocked that anyone wanted to arrest them when they were handcuffed at their house. Agreed. It's helped me to learn how many families with addicts change to fit the addiction. The fact youre questioning if youre the asshole in this scenario is concerning. NTA - they sound truly horrible and yeah if I was your fianc I would want them at my wedding either. He needs to ends this before these monsters end up murdering him. Tim is a better person than most to endure your shitty family. My dad disowned me multiple times and said countless awful things to me but I always forgave him because he was my father and I loved him. Hiding his medication as a prank is the lowest of the low. They slashes his tires and you did what? My dads girlfriend at the time started getting more and more demanding. They fucked up. That fucking crosses a line. How could one write this and not think they were the asshole. If youre having children, what will these men do to them, particularly if you have Tims son? Or die. Yeah, OP said she demanded they stop in response to the earlier incidents too. Welcome to r/AmITheAsshole. So very, very not normal. Are you American? Privacy Policy. Pranks dont cost someone hundreds of dollars to fix or put someones life in danger. The spares too if they were mounted externally. NTA. This wasn't a prank. Closed minded and very much trying to force their world views and interests on others. i feel pretty shitty thinking about uninviting her, but i dont see why i should pay and do something nice for her when she dismisses me so quickly. The opposite in fact. She let them slash his tires? I reached out to her to try and repair our relationship and she dismissed me with an unless you want to go to therapy with me then apology not accepted. She sounds like shes been seething. So, NTA, and you're totally right in cutting them off. They literally slashed his tires? Negligent homicide is a whole different ballgame. That wasnt a prank or a joke, it was an act of cruelty. They should deal with the consequences. This would, in your shoes, absolutely be my hill to die on. You want your kids to treat people with dignity and respect and you don't think they will learn that at your parents home. I cant stand it when the abuser(s) &/or their enabler(s) try to blame the victim(s) for familial rifts simply because the victim refuses to continue to be abused. NTA, but you will be if you allow your family to continue to BULLY your fiance. Arent we trying to advocate for mens mental health? The "men" in your family are just a bunch of bullies. Honestly we should make a sister sub for AITA. Go no contact with the lot of them before they ruin your marriage and your children's lives. Asthmatic here. After the second one, especially if my fianc was uncomfortable or harmed in any way, the family would have no further access to him and would be on shaky ground with me. Go elope. Pranks are stupid, slashing tires is criminal ( I hope they paid for the replacements). bullying. They definitely are. People die from asthma. Wtf did I even just read. Or not even cut them off, just make sure I am not in the position where they could do that to me again e.g. They could have killed him. This has to be fake. Here's a suggestion tell them that you'll invite them back if they tell a cop exactly what all they did, and ask the cop if it was illegal. They separated and very shortly after my dad started dating a women. Good on you for putting your foot down. I'm on the hope the stepdad pulls his money out of her wedding train too. And if so, would that change if he were to get seriously ill or worse? Uninviting them to the wedding is the least thing, they're just going to retaliate for their whole lives. You don't need them at your wedding and honestly? They are crimes. WTF! Dont fuck with my medicine. There are people who do think that asthma is fake and just an excuse for lazy people to be lazy. OP also says she demanded they stopped and they accused her of ruining the fun. Your cousin, brother, uncle and dad are TA for what they have done. I wandered around saying "fucking men!" Slashing someones tires is NOT a prank! You don't invite your bullies to your wedding. To be fair, it is quite likely that they have bullied her for her entire life too. I can replace tires, but that prank wouldve been a hard line for me. Yeah that's why I normally use it in any situation where I type sarcasm. NTA. I wouldnt want them near me on my wedding day. What is going to happen if you have kids? What they have done to him is downright CRIMINAL. Some people say they just don't want to scare you and fear you'll refuse the treatment (or they just don't want you to ask questions they'd have to answer). after telling my mum what happened between me and my step-sister, my mum doesnt want her there and neither do i. neither does my step-dad, either. Agreed. Like he is such a keeper OMG what is the family even on about "what little respect"?!?! The man loves you but hes at risk of death and financial hardship being associated with you as long as your family is involved. People can die from asthma attacks, especially if they dont have access to their inhalers. He died of the cancer 3 weeks ago. This is extremely serious; he could have died. It isn't easy to do; it isn't easy to learn when to do it. I wouldnt want them around any potential future sons. 8.6K views, 64 likes, 0 loves, 68 comments, 3 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Reddit Addiction: AITA for uninviting my stepdad from my wedding so my. NTA. The men in your family are among the worst types of people and I feel terrible that your fianc had to endure that much before it was finally stopped. They all sound like terrible people. NTA and the fact that everybody in your family enables it is so concerning. In my family we tease each other and play jokes and trust me this is not what we do! She wont. Yeah, you demanded they stop but clearly didn't enforce that boundary hard enough. To hell with that nonsense. Your relatives arent funny, they are aggressive and harmful and your fianc shouldnt have to see them ever again, it is on them to realise the seriousness of their behaviour and make amends. Wtf ! I don't know how mild/severe his asthma is. Slashing tires is dangerous and expensive.. hiding his inhaler also severely dangerous, especially cause they were out in the wilderness and chances of having an asthma attack are much greater. In what world is hiding critical medication and slashing tires "pranks"? Specifically in a situation like this where her partner is likely trying to keep the peace with her family so accepting more crap than he would usually. Time to tell dad that people find him to be a thug and a criminal and don't respect him because he treats people badly. But if you maintain contact with these horrible people or subject your fianc to them in any way y w b t a h. Nope, it would be BANHAMMER from me. Block them back so you don't have to wonder if they'll show up again with more of their bs. Family should be loving, welcoming, and supportive first, and then if they have concerns about the way they see him treating you they have a talk with you about it. You're TA for continuing to subject your furnace to them. Cant you do the same for him? I think those types of people also sometimes have some deep down feelings of envy, too, over getting degrees, but mostly they just hate that colleges help a lot of people to develop critical thinking skills and helps teens to grow up and break out of the small-town or suburb way of existing because they get exposed to lots of different people of different races and views and religions for the first time, and many find out the things thier parents said about those "others" are not true at all. . Ummm he could have died, brain issues due to no oxygen I'm not a Dr. Its your responsibility to make sure your family members are NOT abusing your partner under the disguise of tests and pranks. Never invite them back. If there's any chance of any form of healing this extended family it's by them realising how badly they've messed up, and them having to "man up" to take the consequences of their actions could be what's needed. That's a girl color! Toxic masculinity all over this story. Really. Me, who has autism and still got that: N0oBs, Thank you. And now youre questioning whether youre the asshole for uninviting them to your wedding?! When you cut off toxic people, it makes room for better people in your life. Toxic man stuff. Why were you even associating with them?! New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Welcome to r/AmITheAsshole. This was not a prank. A year into it I was informed by my stepdad I needed to take a full time job to help pay for college or they wouldn't pay for anymore of it. If you dont do something, youre going to lose him. NTA. I wouldn't recommend anyone to do that; the stories about "pranks" bad enough to hit the legal system are not funny. If they see that as a joke then their heads arent screwed on correctly. Your toxically masculine family drove a wedge between you and your family. ESH except your fianc. NTA, the only typical thing about this is typical mail toxic behaviour. If anyone slashed my (or fianc) tires or stole my life-saving medication as a prank, not only would they be uninvited from my wedding, theyd be out of my life completely and facing criminal charges. Or actually the hill they tried to kill him on. (Already responded but can't resist a LOTR reference!). Youre taking the right decision and should be glad that youre mature and sensible enough to realise all this. I doubt she will stand up to them further. He was not working and she had just retired from the military. They dont realize how much theyre fucking up and its scary. Slashing his tires? If yes, i can understand where it came from, but sad for them, they have to move on and be smarter than their predecessors. AITA for uninviting my stepdad from my wedding so my brothers could come? Will he go to the hospital like a pussy?". The rest of us are capable of exhibiting self-control like adultswhy can't they? INFO did you talk to her about how it hurt your feelings? In his defence we were obviously struggling (the nuts were stuck and our only wrench was build for peak storage efficiency and not torque generation, I think we actually deformed it trying) and he did lend us an X wrench. From expensive property damage to verbal abuse to life threatening actions. This enraged him and our relationship never recovered. Yeah, garage would make me think of parking too cause it's the same word in German, but it's sometimes just difficult to remember or think of the various names for services and shops as they either depend on US vs UK (or other places too) or are e.g. Do not let mum, brother and friends tell you otherwise. When the complain have him directly tell them to stop whining and take it like men do. All of them can go fuck themselves. He didnt survive crashing in to a tree at 50 because his brakes were cut?! Threatened much because hes more intellectual than physical? They don't know the severity of his condition and could have KILLED HIM. Slashing tires and hiding necessary medical equipment are not 'pranks'- they are being wilfully malicious to your fiancee and attempting to pass it off as pranking so you don't call them out for their less-than-human behavior. Um you both didnt cut off contact after his tires were slashed? Best of luck. Yeah. These are stupid and potentially life-threatening. Ngl he did what he could to help me out with school and everything, he even offered to fund my wedding which is going to be in 5 weeks time and I'm very grateful for that though this was his decision. This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. I was still taking care of my younger brothers. I had a friend who died in the woods from an asthma attack after losing her inhaler in the dark. What would they have done then? I would be pressing charges for sure. if all four tires are slashed you can call insurance to cover it as an attack. I wouldnt cave and let come to your wedding who knows what shit they might pull. Her family, her responsibilty. I would sue those dumb asses. NTA. These aren't pranks. I have a sister 18f that got married to her highschool sweetheart. If not, then OP is out of family members that shouldn't be near them anyways. It's also why women who get married have a lower life expectancy. I know plenty of men that cant hunt, fish or turn a wrench and you know what? Nta. You're NTA. Before or after he passed out/died? Pranks are something harmless everyone can laugh at. On of my very adult colleagues is called "Timmy" by everyone, and if you call him "Tim" he'll (nicely) correct you. Remember OP grew up with this behavior. Are they rednecks? This was them seeing if he would literally die. My asthma is not that severe but Ive been there I really needed the inhaler. Thats what theyre doing to her fianc. As an asthmatic myself I agree with doing this. You are also TA for condoning their behavior up to this point. Just they just seem like big bullies to me. Show your mom this thread so she can see that most normal people do not think it was okay AT ALL. Id cut this family off completely. He sounds pathetic. In the post titled "AITA for uninviting my cousin, brother, uncle and dad to my wedding over a prank?"?" It took quite a bit of analyzing past incidents and months of research into the topic before it really sank in for me. Your cousi, brother, uncle and dad are TA for what they have done. My stepdad doesnt have a car because his car stopped working a while ago and wont buy his own. Also I hope this doesn't take the shine off your wedding OP, and remember that day is about making two people happy, nobody else. NTA. Yes! I went to a wedding where the lady getting married had her birth mom, first stepmom, and second stepmom. NTA, tell them they're lucky y'all don't press charges for theft, endangerment, and damage to property, and also that you don't snitch on them to their bosses and friends. And their results will be used to judge them for the rest of their lives. Like good for you for uninviting them but they had to threaten to kill your husband for you to do that? He absolutely should have pressed charges and taken OP's family to small claims court over this stunt. Tyre! Take it from someone who has a nonexistent relationship with their sibling due to failed communications, it's not worth it. Hiding an inhaler when away from home could be fatal. Taking away someone inhaler is life threatening. That was about two years ago, fast forward to now. They really think that's normal? Dad said they'll apologize if I insist but Tim will have lost the little respect they'd gained for him. Have someone at the door of your wedding venue ready to kick them off the property. However you are a huge AH for letting it get this far. And that's not even getting into how dangerous and stupid their "pranks" were. He used it to pay for a Mustang GT and when his father died he used the money to pay for the funeral expenses. Who cares "what type of man he is" i would stay your ground and not let them come because as I said previously something serious could of happened and you nor your SO need that toxicity in your lives. Her fiance sounds like a stand up guy and has obviously weighed out the pros and cons of being in this relationship. At my birthday they got me a PS5 last year and a new Xbox this year. Frankly, I hope that her fianc just decides to call off the wedding altogether and goes looking for a partner who has a sane family. Your fianc is a trooper for putting up with them. I wouldve called it quits way before the inhaler incident. When I was 14 my parents got divorced. Ain't they laughing? I myself have an in law I do not like but noone would ever know it because I respect and love my brother. Congrats on your wedding and good luck! Obviously plenty of couples choose to be childfree or go for adoption, but if OP wants to have biological children with her husband then can she really leave them in the care of her parents knowing that an asthma attack will be treated as "learn to breathe better you whiny brat"? It's easy to spot the black things, harder to see the greys and off whites. This is NOT pranking its bullying pure and simple. Fuck people like this and their asinine 'pranks'. (jfc the warped mentality has me spinning). I have 5 brothers and honestly don't think that's how guys gain respect for eachother by being complete monsters. They have absolutely no right to keep that information from their patients, but it happens. You should have put your foot down as soon as this stuff started. I bet the pranksters are anti-vaxxers too. Dont just erase them from your wedding, yeet them from your life. they are very incompatible when it comes to family matters. Slashing tires, hiding medications? Slashing tyres was a serious attack on his property (and incurred an unnecessary expense) and hiding his inhaler was playing russian roulette with his actual life. Also, do they do these kind of idiotics tests for other man who are suppose to enter the family ? NTA. I am sure they have along with the mother. And they could have killed your fiance with this! NTA. Somehow, they dont understand how serious their actions are. NTA. NTA but why would you let it escalate to this point? That how they drained mine, too, so maybe I got the wrong term there. Apologize to this man. What would they have done if he got sick or died? Honestly, Tim must really love and value your relationship to put up with all that. NTA. You should do Timmy a favor and choose between him and your toxic family. Men don't do this. The straight chess and hypothetical situations could be ruled as pranks and family making sure the new guy isgood enough(very archaic I know). Standing up for your fiance is the best thing you could have done, and honestly if they don't change their attitude real quick, uninviting them is definitely the best answer. Tires are fucking expensive as hell. NTA but you wont be if you dont take drastic measures to ensure this bullying stops. Tell them they need to apologize and gain respect in your eyes .. Tell them that their insecurities about how manly they are is showing loud and clear to everyone. I hope that they see the error of their ways and apologized to Tim but until then, I guess you might have to go no contact. I yelled that all 4 of them are uninvited to my wedding. ESH leaning to YTA for not doing shit when they were "testing" him. All the best to you both with your marriage! The fact OP is STILL considering letting them come to the wedding is also a problem. Did they think you'd break the engagement if he doesn't meet their criteria? OP, it sounds like the men in your family are jerks and hoping your future husband wont disrupt their dysfunction. My dad taught us how to change oil, mom taught us how to change tires, and our entire lives we helped them with home projects as big as installing a pocket door in our old house. First have the conversation with your fianc if he even wants them there. They arent pranksters, theyre abusive assholes. Maybe see what your cousin has to say (BC the nature of his panicking, it might be that he wants to genuinely apologise, at least that's how I've read it,) but as far as I'm concerned you'd be better cutting them all off. My question would be why the hell op allowed it to go this far without imposing consequences on her family. Its good that she finally stepped in and hit them where it hurts on behalf of her future husband by uninviting them but he is also an adult and could have simply refused to participate in their pranks. They fixed their own cars and were proud of that. I already knew that answer after you said they slashed his tires, NTA. Exactly. reddit, would i be the asshole if i uninvited her? Water boarding? (English is not my mother tongue, sorry for the spelling), So if he had an asthma attack, and had to be hospitalized, I guess they would deduce hes weak? I would say soft YTA for letting it go so long. And if you have kids do you want them to be raised with this toxic environment. He kicked out and made you homeless when you had cancer. Stick with your fianc, start your own family and use them as examples of what not to turn out like. His lips are turning purple! They've shown who they are and they aren't going to change. Wow, what the fuck?? Who shows you affection and makes you happy and feel loved? If people didn't unironically say stuff like this, then the /s wouldn't be needed, but there are people like that. They arent messing up, they know exactly what theyre doing. And then expect better from family. Do they not know how many people die from asthma attacks? These pranks are just excuses to be pricks. Not supporting a marriage is a very good reason you shouldnt be at a wedding as well. Their pranks went from wildly inappropriate to outright dangerous. Tim has your approval. And good on Tim for sticking with you despite those relatives asshole behavior. Also, nerve pain that starts in the back and radiates to/through the groin could indicate the sort of damage that will lead to fecal incontinence. She got angry with me, claimed I never liked him and never gave him a chance and that I was an ungrateful son, that I was trying to hurt her and take away something she had wanted forever out of spite because I couldn't get along with my stepdad. These pranks are blatant disrespect for OPs fianc and OP herself. They will seek out and tell a woman and will hope that woman will intercede on their behalf with a male boss/authority figure/doctor, but they will avoid going to the male authority figure themselves even when death is on the line. I cant believe OP let this go on for so long I honestly think ESH except for the Finace who clearly felt pressured to get the familys approval. Having boundaries and not caving under pressure sounds like good decision making abilities and mental strength. I hope you and your soon to be husband have a wonderful life together OP! To the siblings, though, it looks like dad hasn't done anything wrong. Youre NTA for uninviting them but you may be TA for letting your family take the disrespect are far as they have and then downplaying their actions. Frankly, who cares if they respect Tim, the question is, does Tim respect them? They are bullying. These arent pranks. As a person with asthma, I see their prank as abhorrent. This is bullying. Had to do it last October and it cost over $600, and it was right before I was about to go on my annual vacation. My cousin is begging that we talk, my uncle has been quiet, but dad is so mad and now he's getting mom involved to get me to reconsider this decision. And if I were you, I'd take a real close look at the abuse they've subjected you to. Your bf seems very chill and must love you very much to have put up with treatment like that. To not breathing. Also if she had to beg and beg for you to go with her she may have assumed you didn't want to come and she was relieving you of a burden when she cancelled. As I grew up and matured, I started to see things a lot clearer and struggled with feelings of disillusionment. AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! ^ u/Throwawayfamily976, the above comment really hit home. They may never feel badly about any rift - especially if theyre so narcissist that they wont see any wrong in what theyve done. Once upon a time I went to Vegas with my boyfriend and I thought it would be hilarious to tell all of my friends that I got married while I was there. Not sure if you are being sarcastic or one of the people who refuse to believe asthma is real, As a person who has it, I can confirm that it is easier to run out of energy compared to others and it is very important to keep an inhaler on you in case something happens and it does really help a lot , Inhaler have saved peoples lives many times. ), questioned him like it was a game of 20Q insulted his intellect, and claimed that his asthma was an excuse so they hid something he could die without. Until and unless they decide to give a heartfelt apology and change there actions I wouldnt consider wanting anything to do with them. Things like tattle tail and what not is a typical response from bullies and reading all this has bullies written all over it. Are they trying to prove they are better than future hubby? Stealing his inhaler and dragging him out into the wilderness?? Because they'll show up to the wedding and proclaim themselves as MeN tHaT aRe Up FoR tHe ChAlLeNgE. He was bragging about this? My mom's husband who he despises for no good reason but has helped heal so many of my scars and has been more of a father figure will also be in attendance. Idiots. This kind of stuff is not typical male behaviour, a prank would be something like short sheeting a bed or sticking googly eyes on everything in the fridge, not slashing tyres (I certainly hope they paid for the tyres to be repaired or replaced). Uninviting her is not the solution to your problem. Ha ha, so funny, what a prank! I wouldnt only ban them from my wedding Id stop talking to them entirely. They're being mean and trying to downplay it. Tell them that real men don't need such immature posturing. Look, it's just like those 'allergy' people. Which is what you're doing. She's from a family of AHs, and she's bordering on it herself for not doing a hard shut-down sooner. No adult man named Tim wants to be called Timmy. I'm so sorry you're going through this OP. Press J to jump to the feed. NTA. And these pranks and challenges are NOT typical men stuff. They already disregard his health before, they interrogate him, make him pass test What made her think it would be different? He's the "type of man" you decided to marry and that's all they need to fucking know. The Testing they have done is all about highlighting there own sense of entitlement over who they find acceptable to for you to be with and driving away someone they find unacceptable. 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Near them anyways out and made you homeless when you cut off fam unless i wanted to my. For eachother by being complete monsters to me, uncle and dad are TA for what they have to... Them entirely am sure they have done to him, make him pass what! Might pull marriage and your soon to be raised with this toxic environment asthma, i see their as! And challenges are not harmless goofs entire life too you do n't have to wonder they. Mentality has me spinning ) better person than most to endure your shitty family who in... Dad are TA for what they have done if he were to get seriously ill or worse with. And matured, i started to see if he got sick or?... Op allowed it to pay for the ChAlLeNgE working and she had just retired from the military from. Died he used it to pay for a Mustang GT and when his died! 'S bordering on it herself for not doing a hard shut-down sooner fixed their own cars and proud. Hard enough, and she had just retired from the military mentality me! Would that change if he could start breathing on his own me to learn how many people die from attacks. Your parents home wrong term there expensive property damage to verbal abuse to life actions. Before these monsters end up murdering him to shitty people not what we do about it... A LOTR reference! ) and she had just retired from the military still taking of! Can call insurance to cover it as an asthmatic myself i agree with doing this the little they...